Happy New Year to all!! This will be my 1st post here.
It's a brand nu year. A new year with a new resolution, heightened dreams, and exciting experiences. My new year's resolution is to grow up. It simply means to be more optimistic, less sensitive and emotional and less dependent emotionally on ppl around me, yea, and also to be more realistic, knowing that you can't always expect or hope much from ppl around u, be it they're your besties or not. This is what the nu year has taught me. Not quite a new thing that i have learned but it has jus confirmed my presumption all this while. We always hope that ppl would not harbor high expectations of us and that we just want to be who we are, unrepresented by the image of what ppl want us to be. We said that it is pressuring to have to live up to ppl's expectations. If u turn the page the other way round, it would be a different story. Do u not realise that u're doing the same thing to ppl around u? You may tell urself not to expect much from ppl around u, but i guess it doesn't work that way bcos consciously or not, we always tend to expect sumthin from ppl. Society itself has proven this. I mean, if u walk around in the streets and happen to c a mother mistreating and hurling hurtful words towards her child, what would u think of her? You might demonstrate a disapproving look and thinks that the lady doesn't even know how to care for her child. Then, u would start to think of how the lady should actually treat her child. If u look back, didn't u just expect sumthin from the lady? I guess this is just how the whole communication system works. and it's part of human nature. Expectations motivate ppl and aid in the survival of humankind.
I can't help but to feel empty and lonely when I'm here albeit having many frens here. I can't seem to find sum1 who can really understand me. I played so many characters that I'm not and I've come to hate myself. Ppl just make me feel ugly and useless. Is that what reality is? I may not show that i need support and care from them, but fact is, sumtimes I just couldn't hold it any longer and feel like breaking down. So many times I felt like crying but I couldn't. Just felt heavy-hearted and that I couldn't breathe. I realised that I've become sum1 I'm not. Sumtimes, I can't recognize myself. I shut myself up in the shell.
Despite all that, I will be okay. Just give me sum time to adapt myself and I'll be just fine. The new year will be of a new me.
God Bless all!
